put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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