My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
