her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sorry about my life...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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