is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
