the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
