whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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