I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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