You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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