oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
