I need help removing her.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
