I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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