normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
