i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
