Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
