a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
