seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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