Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
