Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.

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(209): View more from California

this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.

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(770): View more from Georgia

i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow

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(914): View more from New York

Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."

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(630): View more from Illinois

Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?

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(905): View more from Ontario

It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner

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(845): View more from New York

Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.

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(323): View more from California

Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.

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(315): View more from New York

Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.

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