Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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