It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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