Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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