bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize