I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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