Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
