I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
