Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
