Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
