Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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