If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
