First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
