dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
