If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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