i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
