So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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