Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
