I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
