On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
