Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
