So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
