I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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