My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
