Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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