Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
