turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
