I heard we made out
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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