I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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