i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just want nice things and good sex
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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