So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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