I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
