I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
