My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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