feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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