you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
