didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
