We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
