living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
