So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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