I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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