Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
