We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
