I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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