No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
where does the pee come out of this thing
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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