Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
