we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
